Lex. Twenty-three. Oregon. Sagittarius. Trans boy. Musician. Queer. Web Designer. Entrepreneur.
Sometimes I don’t understand how I can have so much pain and hurt, feel like the world is collapsing around me, and somehow still manage to get through each day.
Susane Colasanti (via psych-facts)
I am trying to believe this.
And sad. I have craved beer all day and keep considering it. I’ve realized (with the help of my therapist) that I am not addicted but have some dependency on it.
I’m not craving the buzz, just the beer itself. Similar to when I have soda cravings but would I feel guilty? Would I feel disappointed? What would it feel like to have my counter go back down to zero?
I’m not sure.
I’ve spent much of the day in solitude. I’ve done a lot of reflecting, creating, and being yet I still feel so hollow. That part of me that I have away to someone else that will never be the same again. My heart hurts and I’ve almost cried a lot today. I am unsure how to feel better. Time or whatever.
It’s good to spend time with myself, but I also crave companionship. Love. Feeling wanted. Feeling safe.
I know that only I can make myself whole but that doesn’t mean I don’t want love. I do, so much of it.
But I’m alone. Loving alone in the dark, holding onto a blanket that will leave me too.
I wish I didn’t love you like this.
It hurts too much.
There is a hollow in me now.
Unknown (via lover-notta-fighter)
Especially when the dreams tell you things you wish you didn’t know